looking back, looking ahead

since i had nothing better to do this morning (actually, i'm supposed to be polishing the final draft of my thesis), i found myself browsing through my gintong silahis '99 and kalai 2000 yearbooks, documents of my life when i was a senior in high school and when i was a freshman in college. this brought both fond and horrid memories from six years ago and i heard myself saying, "i wish i did this and i wish i didn't do that..."

in a month or so i will be leaving college. (provided that i survive the next 10 days!) what will go through my mind when i look at my yearbook 5, 10, 20 years from now? where will i be then? i really do not know. what's worse is that i don't know what i want. or maybe i don't want to think about it just yet.

i will be saying goodbye to the dorm and goodbye to the lab. will i be saying goodbye to my friends, too? where will i go? what will i do? to whom will i turn to? i know i have to wait to get the answers to these questions. but i'm growing tired and impatient because i don't know what i'm waiting for anymore. i just hope i won't end up saying, "i wish i did this and i wish i didn't do that..."